Fix This
by CelestialSonata7
Summary: "How cold have I become? I didn't want to lose you by what I'd done. Caught in the the grey." - 'The Grey' by Icon For Hire. Castle's been noticing a much more subdued and dejected Ryan than he's used to, so he decides to do something about it. Post-'Always'. No slash.


**Author's note: Another post-'Always' diddy I've been working on for a while. I guess it could sort of be considered a sequel to 'Lonely Shadows', but it works perfectly fine on it's own as well. More Ryan-angst, yay!**

**Ugh, I actually don't like this one-shot all that much. Stupid writer's block. XP But hopefully you'll enjoyed it at least a little. :)**

**No slash, just friendship.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

Fix This

"Does he usually do this?" Castle asked quietly, staring through the window in concern.

"No, only for a few weeks now. Since. . ." Lanie trailed off on a solemn note, turning from the window to glance sympathetically at Castle.

Castle met her gaze, melancholy in his features as he offered a knowledgeably somber nod. Then he turned back to stare through the window of the bullpen, into the quiet, small, dimly lit interview room. Laying along the leather couch, arms crossed over his chest and one foot stacked on the other, a weary and disheveled-looking Detective Ryan slept softly.

"He looks exhausted." Castle commented.

Lanie sighed. "He always does nowadays. Ever since that day, he hasn't been himself. He still feels guilty, and Kate and Javi haven't been helping much." She added with a note of bitterness.

Castle turned to her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, throughout their whole suspension, they didn't once contact him." Lanie said. "I'd come up here sometimes, to get a file or a cup of coffee, and I'd see him at his desk. He always looked troubled; like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sometimes I'd catch him looking over to their desks. It was heart-breaking to watch."

"Did you ever talk to him?" Castle asked.

Lanie nodded. "I tried to. Sometimes when I'd call him down to the morgue to give him information on his latest case, I'd try to talk to him about it then. But he always avoided the subject and left as quickly as he could. I tried talking to Jenny, see how he was holding up at home. Apparently he won't talk to her about it either. And he doesn't get much sleep, hence. . ." She gestured back through the window.

Castle nodded in understanding, looking back to the window. "Why would he still feel guilty about it though? Beckett told him that she knew he was just trying to protect them. She doesn't blame him."

"But she hasn't talked to him since." Lanie said. "I think Beckett _does_ blame him, at least a little. She's sub-consciously punishing him with the cold shoulder and she doesn't even realize it, or what it's doing to him."

Castle nodded, a hard expression on his face. He understood Lanie's point, he just didn't want to believe Kate would hurt anyone like this; purposely or not. "And Espo?" He asked.

Lanie scoffed then. "Don't even get me started on Javi. Unlike Kate, he's not so subtle in his anger towards Ryan. He's always shooting him dirty looks, or not-so-subtly bumping into him as he walks by, or ignoring him. Then he goes off alone on cases; like they aren't even partners anymore. During the first couple of weeks after he came back, Ryan kept trying to talk to Javi, mend things between them. But Javi wouldn't talk to him. Eventually Ryan just gave up."

Castle sighed heavy. "Well, no wonder he's not getting any sleep. He probably thinks everyone hates him now, and that he doesn't have any friends anymore."

"Excuse me?" Lanie questioned in offense. "What about us? You and I haven't done anything to make him believe that."

"Yeah, but we're both close to Kate, and you're close to Esposito." Castle explained. "He probably thinks we're on their side; that we're bitter towards him too for what he did."

Lanie looked back to the window in worry. "Poor Ryan." She said softly.

"Yeah." Castle agreed, following her gaze to the couch. That's when he caught the slight hitch in Ryan's deep breaths and the subtle jerk of Ryan's head. Castle frowned. "Looks like he's having a nightmare."

Lanie nodded solemnly. "According to Jenny, that's all he ever has now. And it's always the same."

"The roof." Castle whispered.

Lanie nodded sadly. "Jenny says he wakes up yelling Beckett's name every night." She almost whispered.

Castle watched Ryan in concern as he tossed lightly about on the couch. "We have to fix this." He said softly.

* * *

Time was running out. He climbed the stairs two, three at a time. Even with a whole team behind him, he only heard the loud echoes of his own footfalls in the building stairway. His heart was pounding painfully with each stomp on the metal steps, pulling him forward, pushing him to go faster. He was almost there. Time was running out.

_"Ryan?"_

Bursting through the door, he scanned his eyes across the plain, searching frantically, hoping desperately that he wasn't too late.

_"Ryan."_

His eyes didn't catch anything, but his ears did; a desperate cry of a single word. The source wasn't visible, but he followed the audio trail of the frantic and devastating cries. He ran, his feet flying across the ground towards the source.

_"Ryan, can you here me?"_

It seemed like the plain was stretching further and further the faster he ran. He pushed himself harder, faster. He had to get to his destination. He had to _save her_.

Time was running out. She was slipping. Her hand lost grip, and she fell.

_"Beckett!"_

"Ryan!"

Ryan bolted upright from the couch, panting harshly and quickly scanning the room. Castle was seated on the coffee table in front of the couch, one hand hovering over Ryan, presumably where he'd been shaking his shoulder, and the other holding a cup of coffee. Castle's mouth was slightly gaped in worry and surprise.

Ryan stared at him in confusion, still trying to catch his breath. "Castle? What are you doing here?"

"Well. . .I was just. . .I thought you might need some coffee." Castle flustered, raising the glass in his hand for emphasis, then placing it on the table.

Ryan frowned at the cup then looked back up at Castle. "Shouldn't you be with Beckett? Weren't you guys just doing some research five minutes ago?"

"That, was an hour ago, actually." Castle said carefully. "And she took Espo out on a lead."

"An hour?" Ryan exclaimed in surprise. "I've been asleep for an _hour_? Gates is not gonna like this." He threw his legs over the couch and began to stand.

Castle quickly raised his hand to stop Ryan from moving. "It's okay. Gates doesn't know. She's been doing some paperwork this whole time. Hasn't even left her office yet."

"Well, then I better get back to work before she does." Ryan said, pushing himself up again. But Castle stood with him to block his way, making Ryan huff. "Castle-"

"Are you okay, Ryan?" Castle blurted out in concern, looking him down.

"What?" Ryan asked in surprise and disbelief. "What are you talking about? I'm fine. Now would you please-"

"You don't look fine." Castle said seriously.

Ryan kept his gaze down as he answered impatiently. "I don't know what you're talking about. I have to get back to work." He tried to push passed Castle.

"Ryan." Castle stopped him, a more serious look in his eyes than Ryan had ever seen in the man. It was enough to stop him. "Talk to me." Castle said softly.

Ryan dropped his gaze to the floor. He stayed silent but his breaths were aggravated, heaving his weighted shoulders slowly.

Castle sighed. "You're really worrying us, Ryan." He started carefully. "Lanie has talked to Jenny and you're worrying her too. What's going on with you?"

A frustrated huff left Ryan. "Why do you care?" He asked softly.

Castle laid a hand on Ryan's shoulder gently, tentatively. "Because you're my friend."

A mix of shock and confusion flooded Ryan's eyes as he stared at Castle in disbelief. "But-"

"I know, I know." Castle cut off. "You got Kate and Javi suspended, ratted them out, blah blah blah." He brushed off. "Ryan, you did the right thing. Maybe Esposito doesn't see it, but I do, and Lanie does, and Kate-"

"They hate me." Ryan said softly. "Beckett and Espo, and everyone; I. . .betrayed them." He sighed heavily as he sat back down on the couch and dropped his head in his hand. "I don't blame them for never wanting to speak to me again."

Castle sat back down on the coffee table in front of Ryan. "You saved their lives, Ryan." He said softly. "If you hadn't have gotten there with that team when you did, we could've lost them both. Beckett could've fallen off that roof, Esposito could've been shot and killed. You saved them."

Ryan sighed. "Maybe. But I still lost them." He whispered.

"Well then, I think it's about time you get them back." Castle said optimistically.

"How?" Ryan asked as he looked up at Castle helplessly. "It's been weeks since they got back, and they still won't talk to me. How am I supposed to fix this?"

"With some help from your friends." Castle said with a comforting smile. "Let Lanie and me deal with getting them to you. All you gotta do is talk to them; we'll soften them up for you."

"I don't know, Castle." Ryan shook his head. "If it doesn't work, they may just end up hating me more, and you guys too."

"It'll work." Castle assured. "Don't you worry."

Ryan stared at Castle for a moment, debating. Then he dropped his gaze with a small nod. "Thank you."

Castle patted his shoulder then, a small triumphant smirk on his face. "Anytime. Now drink up, we've got some work to do." He gestured to the coffee cup, then stood and exited the room, Ryan smiling softly at his retreating back.

* * *

"Pleeeease Javi?" Lanie drawled out.

"No!" Esposito yelled, his voice echoing in the empty morgue.

Lanie huffed impatiently. "Why the hell not?" She yelled back.

"Because!" Esposito barked in frustration.

Lanie rested her hands on her hips. "You're gonna have to do a lot better than that, Javier Esposito!"

Esposito growled in frustration. "Uuuugh! You just don't understand!"

"Oh I understand perfectly!" Lanie said angrily. "You just don't want to give up that damn pride of yours! You don't want to look like a fool in front of everybody; to admit that _you were wrong_!"

"It's not like that!" Esposito said.

"The hell it ain't!" Lanie shouted. "You know, you are some kind of stupid. You think your selfishness isn't hurting anyone? Your ego is just too damn big that you can't see everyone else! You can't let go of your stubbornness and pride to see that you're hurting the people around you!"

Esposito's growls grew gradually until he roared out. "He started it!"

Lanie too was fed up and shoved a tray off the table in front of her, letting it clatter loudly to the floor. "Damnit Javier! When are you gonna grow up? You were all being stupid that day, trudging into danger without any back-up! Ryan was the only one-"

"Don't." Esposito growled. "Don't even say his name. What that _traitor_ did-"

"_Saved_ all of your stupid asses!" Lanie cut in. "Ryan was the only one with some sense to do the right thing; you just don't want to admit that he was right and you were wrong! He _saved_ Kate's life! Aren't you thankful for that?"

"Of course I am!" Esposito said. "But it should've been me!" He blurted out.

Lanie stopped for a moment in confusion. "What?"

Esposito sighed, completely deflating as he sat down on a table and dropped his head in his hands. "I should've been there; I should've been the one to protect her, to save her. She shouldn't have even been in that situation!"

Lanie settled down beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Javi-"

"No, you were right." Esposito said, shaking his head. "I messed up. I let Beckett walk in there, without any back-up or a plan, or nothing, and she almost died because of it. I wasn't there to protect her. I should've stopped her from going after that freak. I should've just listened to. . ." He sighed heavily, trailing off. Then he looked over at Lanie. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled at you, and argued, and basically for being a total ass."

Lanie rubbed his back. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." She said gently.

Esposito dropped his gaze. "I don't know what to do." He whispered.

"You can start, by forgiving." Lanie said softly.

"I can't talk to him." Esposito shook his head.

"Not him." Lanie said. "Yourself. Once you stop blaming yourself for what happened, then maybe you can start forgiving Ryan."

Esposito sighed deeply. "I'm just not ready for that yet." He stood and made his way out of the morgue. "I'm sorry."

Lanie sighed as she watched him go. At least she'd made it through to him somewhat. But getting him to start forgiving himself _and_ Ryan was going to be trickier than she thought.

* * *

"Hey Beckett." Castle greeted as he entered the break room. "How'd it go?"

Beckett sighed, working the espresso. "Zip. The guy was a dead-end. We'll have to dig deeper to find anything."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Castle said, sliding up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "I don't like it when a case has got you down. Maybe you should take a little break from it; distract your mind with something else for a while."

"Mmm." Beckett moaned as she relaxed against him, stirring her coffee. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Oh, I don't know." Castle drawled out. "Maybe, talking to Ryan about the day you got suspended?" He added in a rush.

"What?" Beckett asked as she turned to face him.

Castle sighed. "Look, I know you don't notice it, and Esposito doesn't notice it, but Ryan's a wreck. Lanie, Jenny and I are really worried about him."

"What do you mean Ryan's a wreck?" Beckett asked with a frown.

Castle huffed internally, disappointed that Beckett hadn't noticed how off Ryan had been since they got back from the suspension. "Ever since we got back, he's been different."

"Different how?" Beckett asked, leaning against the counter behind her that shelved the espresso.

"Well, he doesn't smile anymore." Castle said. "He doesn't laugh at my jokes, he doesn't play along with my theories anymore-"

"Castle, maybe that's because your jokes aren't funny, and your theories are unrealistic." Beckett cut in with a knowing smirk.

Castle huffed at her seriously. "You know what I mean. He's not himself. He barely even makes eye contact with anyone. He doesn't speak unless it's about a case, he barely eats, he doesn't sleep; have you noticed how much coffee he goes through a day? It can't be healthy!"

Beckett sighed, crossing her arms in front of her. "How do you know all this?"

"Because, I'm seeing it." Castle said softly. "Lanie and I both. And we've been talking to Jenny; he's the same way at home with her. He's irritable and hostile and just plain miserable."

"But why?" Beckett asked. "Why would he start acting like that now?"

"Because of what he did to you and Esposito." Castle said. "He still feels guilty."

"But I already told him-" Beckett started.

"That you know he did it to protect you, yes, you did." Castle acknowledged. "But you haven't spoken to him since then. And Esposito is just a plain living hell towards Ryan. He hasn't forgiven him yet." He paused, staring Beckett down. "And I don't think you have either."

"What?" Beckett exclaimed. "I already said I did."

"No you didn't." Castle corrected. "You said you knew he wanted to protect you. You never said you forgave him for going behind your back. You've barely spoken to him since you got back, or even acknowledged him for that matter. Hell, you didn't even notice he was different."

"That's not true." Beckett tried to protest. "I've spoken to him."

"Yeah, when it's about a case." Castle said. "But not once have you talked about that day. You don't even talk like friends anymore."

"That's ridiculous." Beckett mumbled, dropping her gaze.

"Is it?" Castle asked, stepping towards her. "Kate, I know you feel betrayed with Ryan; he went behind your back and did what you didn't want. But he saved your life, and now he's paying for it. Everyone here treats him like a traitor, a rat. They call him Judas and kiss-ass and bully him like a bunch of fifth graders. They've all taken yours and Espo's side because you're still mad at him. They don't forgive him because you haven't; like loyal pack wolves that follow whatever their leader does."

Beckett finally looked up to Castle. "What am I supposed to do?" She asked softly.

Castle held her arms, rubbing them for comfort. "Talk to him. Or better yet; _listen_ to him. Let him say his peace. _Forgive_ him. You guys are partners, you need each other just as much as anyone else. Ryan's lost without you and Espo, and I can see you two aren't doing so well without Ryan either."

"I'm fine." Beckett mumbled unconvincingly.

"But you could be better." Castle added softly. "You miss him; how it used to be. And frankly, so do I." Beckett kept her gaze down so Castle sighed. "If you won't do it for you, or for Ryan, or for Espo; do it for me. Ryan's my friend too, and Lanie's. And Jenny is just as miserable as Ryan is. Do it for us. Please."

Finally Beckett looked back up to Castle with sad eyes, then she nodded. Castle smiled at her and wrapped her in a gentle hug. Beckett buried her face in his chest and sighed. "I can't believe I didn't notice what I was doing to him." She whispered sadly. "What kind of friend am I?"

"Shhh." Castle soothed as he rubbed her back. "We're going to fix it now. It'll all be okay. You'll see."

* * *

Esposito sat on a bench outside the precinct. His head drooped and he leaned his elbows on his knees, watching the traffic go by. Though he'd never admit it, that one talk with Lanie was really exhausting. Just thinking about. . .all that. . .it took a lot out of him. He hated admitting that he was wrong; that he wasn't the one to save Beckett, his work-sister, his partner. He hated that he wasn't there for Beckett when she needed him most; he'd let her down, and she almost died because of it. If it wasn't for. . .

He hated that too; that he couldn't even think that name without feelings of betrayal and hurt and anger rushing through him. Esposito hated that he could feel such hostility towards someone he once considered his brother. He hated that he still did; that he knew he was wrong in every way, and he wasn't strong enough to admit it.

Lanie was right; he was being stupid and stubborn and prideful. But he didn't know how to stop. What could Esposito do? How could he possibly fix everything?

Esposito's phone started to ring then. He sighed and fished it out of his pocket sluggishly; he wasn't really in the mood for a case right now. But Esposito frowned when he saw the caller display, and answered it tentatively. "Jenny?"

"Hey Javi." Jenny greeted. She sounded tired, and sad.

"What's up?" Esposito asked cautiously. A hundred scenarios ran through his head as to why Jenny would be calling _him_ of all people, with everything going on.

"Oh it's nothing." Jenny quickly assured. "I just. . .Lanie called; she told me about her talk with you."

Esposito sighed heavily, running a hand over his head. "Listen, Jenny–"

"Please listen to her, Javier." Jenny begged desperately. "We miss you. Kevin. . .he's not the same when he's not talking with you and Kate. He's not eating, or sleeping, and he won't even talk to me. He's miserable, and he's starting to scare me. And frankly so are you."

"What?" Esposito exclaimed. "What are you talking about?"

"Lanie told me everything, Javi." Jenny said worriedly. "You haven't exactly been yourself either since that day, and according to Rick, neither has Kate. You guys are all partners, you're family, and it's clear you need each other more than you realize. All three of you are falling apart, and not one of you is willing to let us help. What's even worse; you don't even see what it's doing to us!" Her voice started to pitch with emotion.

"Jenny." Esposito said softly in worry.

Jenny sniffled, composing herself. "Please." Her voice was raspy and full of tears. "Fix this." She whispered. "We need you." Then she hung up.

Esposito sighed heavily as he hung up his phone, and leaned against the back of the bench, staring up at the sky. What was he going to do?

* * *

Kate sat impatiently in the corner booth of the diner, trying to blend in as much as possible. The whole place was bustling about with its usual lunch crowd trying to enjoy their meals before their lunch breaks were over. Kate found herself in a similar situation, sitting there anxiously, waiting for her second party to arrive before their break was up and they'd have to return to the precinct.

Kate drummed her fingers against the table, two steaming cups in front of her, bouncing anxiously in her seat and scanning out the windows for any sign of her lunch date. They didn't have much time left before lunch was over and she really needed to talk to him. She started mentally kicking herself; they really should have done this a lot sooner. It definitely would have avoided a lot of pain all around.

Finally, the little bell over the diner door rang, and Javier quickly spotted Kate waving him over to a nice secluded table in the corner, where he slunked into the seat across from her. "Hey."

"Hey." Kate greeted back, sliding the second cup towards him. "I ordered you a coffee." They'd shared the breakroom enough times to have memorized each other's preferred orders.

"Thanks." Javier mumbled before taking a sip. He was avoiding eye contact.

"Did Lanie talk to you?" Kate asked as she took a sip.

Javier sighed as he set his cup down. "Yeah. So did Jenny."

Kate was taken aback by that news. "Jenny called you?" She asked in surprise.

Javier nodded solemnly. "Yeah. Said Lanie had talked to her. She was. . .worried. They both were."

Kate sighed heavily, leaning against the back of her booth. "How did we let it get so bad?" She whispered.

They sat in a heavy silence for a few moments, lost in their thoughts. Esposito leaned his head in his hand as he swirled his coffee around distractedly. Kate merely stared at her cup, watching the steam rise up into the air.

"We have to fix this." Kate said, looking up at Javier. "We need to mend things with Ryan."

Javier let out a long frustrated sigh as he sat back against the booth miserably.

Kate glared at him. "Come on Javi, you can't be mad at him forever. He's a part of this team after all; we _need_ him."

"We do not need that sorry excuse for a partner." Javier growled angrily.

"Yes we do." Kate shot back with just as much conviction. "He's our partner, Javi. He's a part of this family. He saved my life, both of ours, and you know it. You gotta stop letting your pride get in the way of your brain. You and I both know that we were goners up there. If it wasn't for Ryan showing up, we'd be dead."

Javier stuffed his hands in his pockets as he stared out the long window with a frown.

Kate sighed sympathetically. "Javi, we need him back, and he really needs us right now, too. I know you still care about him; you really think you could still hold on to all this anger and hate if he was hurt?"

That got Javier's attention. He side-glanced at Beckett with a flashed of worry in his eyes, before dropping his gaze.

"Exactly." Kate said softly, catching the concern in Javier's eyes. "He's still family, and he desperately needs us right now. He needs us to be there and listen to him and forgive him. And we need it too, otherwise this team is finished. And frankly, I don't know how to work without it."

Javier kept his gaze on the table between them, but his resolve was shrinking as his shoulders slowly deflated.

Kate leaned closer towards Javier, resting her hand on the table towards him. "Please Javi, help me fix this."

Javier sighed, finally looking up to met her eyes. They shared a silent look, oblivious to the bustling citizens around them.

* * *

Ryan sighed heavily as he rubbed at his forehead. A pesky headache had been hammering at his skull all day and wasn't showing signs of letting up any time soon. The large amounts of paperwork on his desk beside him weren't helping either. He sighed heavily as he reached for yet a half-full bottle of aspirin; the second one that had been getting him through the passed weeks.

Gulping down the pill, he continued on his paperwork, however half-heartedly it was. Even still, the headache persisted, and ten minutes later Ryan found himself unable to concentrate again. Another long sigh left him as he leaned his elbows on his desk and rubbed at his temples, desperately trying to erase the ache.

That was when the elevator dinged rather loudly, and though a significant distance away, it still startled Ryan in his seat, the high-pitched ping stabbing through his brain. Squeezing his eyes shut, he groaned softly, accelerating his massaging fingers, practically rubbing his temples raw to ease the pounding stabs in his cranium. He mentally scowled at the elevator and its occupants for the added torture.

Ryan was so distracted by the task of trying to make the headache go away, that he jumped near out of his seat when there was a sudden tap on his shoulder. He finally opened his eyes and turned to see Castle settled in the seat by his desk, leaning over to Ryan with an odd, hesitant expression.

"Hey, Ryan. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Castle asked quietly, a flash of guilt in his eyes at startling the detective.

Ryan sighed, trying to steady his rapid heartbeat from the scare. Then he turned back to his desk with a slump of his shoulders. "I. . .have a lot paperwork to do, Castle. Maybe later." He mumbled half-heartedly. He really wasn't in the mood for talking, and from Castle's rarely seen serious expression, he doubted he wanted to know what Castle wanted to talk about.

Castle frowned, glancing at the stack of folders on Ryan's desk, then looking to the bottle of pills incredulously, before turning back to Ryan. "I think you've done enough paperwork for today." He smiled lightly, then nodded his head. "Come on." He placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder, coaxing him to follow.

Ryan stared at Castle for a moment, debating on whether to go with him or not. Multiple scenarios ran through his head about what Castle wanted to 'talk' to him about, and non of them were pretty. Still, Castle didn't seem threatening like he did in Ryan's head, so maybe this wouldn't be so bad. With a heavy sigh, Ryan stood with Castle, and allowed him to lead him to a cozy interviewing room. Castle motioned for Ryan to enter the room first, which made Ryan frown at him suspiciously. Still, he carefully ventured further.

However, Ryan stopped short, vaguely hearing Castle follow and close the door behind him. Ryan was suddenly a deer caught in the headlights, a mix of emotion raging through his veins; confusion and fear were the most prominent. Sitting on a couch patiently, were Beckett and Esposito, eyes turned to Ryan the second they heard them enter.

Seeing the clear panic playing on Ryan's face, and catching his slight step back in shock, Beckett quickly stood, hands held out in a beseeching manner. "Now hold on, before you run out, it's not what you think. We just want to talk." She said carefully. Then she slowly motioned to an arm-chair beside the couch. "Will you hear us out?" Her voice was apprehensive, as if the question would offend.

Ryan stood frozen a moment longer, looking between the two on the couch. Beckett legitimately seemed anxious to speak with him, and she seemed calm enough for it to be just a talk, instead of a screaming match, like Ryan had been picturing his encounters with his partners lately. Esposito didn't say a word however, and didn't even make eye contact at all with Ryan, save for the glance he shot as he walked in. He was merely sat on the edge of the couch, his elbows leaning on his knees and hands clasped together loosely. It was him that Ryan worried the most about going ballistic on him.

It was then that Castle carefully laid a gentle hand on Ryan's shoulder from behind him. Ryan looked over at the man, finding only pleading and honesty in his eyes. With a reluctant sigh, Ryan slowly allowed Castle to lead him to Beckett's offered seat, before taking a seat in another arm-chair beside him. Once Ryan and Castle were seated, Beckett mimicked Esposito back on the couch, turning so her body faced Ryan.

Beckett took the small time it did for her to sit and get comfortable on the couch to observe Ryan. Though he tried to feign nonchalance as much as possible, by leaning back in his chair with his arms resting on the chair's rests, Beckett could still make out the slight twitch of panicked adrenaline in his hands, and the nervous bouncing of his leg. The fact that his nervousness to be around her was her own fault sent a small stab of guilt through her chest. She clasped her hands in front of her, leaning as close to Ryan's chair as possible without making him feel trapped. "Listen, Ryan; I know things haven't been easy for you lately." She began soft and slow. "We haven't really spoken since I got back. Castle tells me you haven't been doing very well."

"What?" Ryan exclaimed in annoyance as he quickly sat up, sending Castle a glare. "I'm fine, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Apparently you've been napping, during your breaks?" Beckett accused with an incredulous raise of her eyebrow.

"It was an accident." Ryan tried to defend. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. It won't happen again."

"That's not what I'm getting at." Beckett said gently. "I'm not calling you out on it, or asking you to stop-"

"Why else would it matter?" Ryan asked, more bitterness creeping into his voice than he meant. "So I'm a little more tired than I should be once in a while; it's not affecting my work."

"What about those pill bottles on your desk?" Castle chimed in accusingly. "Lack of sleep, heightened stress, hardly eating-"

"You're keeping track of my eating habits too, now?" Ryan asked in frustration.

Castle fixed him with a serious glare. "It all leads to the headaches you've been getting. And that _does_ affect your work. More than that; it affects your sanity."

"I'm fine." Ryan insisted. "Nothing's changed in my work ethic. No one's even noticed me other than 'super-human observancy' over here,". he waved his hand lazily at Castle. "So I don't see why this is suddenly a big deal. Gates is satisfied with the work that I bust my ass to complete. A little nap or two doesn't change the fact that I am still as dedicated as ever to my job."

"We're not worried about your job or your work ethic." Beckett said patiently. "We're worried about _you_."

Ryan stared at her for a moment, mouth gaped. He let out a small but sharp exhale almost in disbelief. Beckett held his gaze, seeing the emotions flitting through his eyes, though not sure what they all were. Finally Ryan dropped his gaze briefly, seeming to come back from his shock. Then he looked back up at her. "Why?"

This time it was Beckett's turn to lose her speech. With that one small word, so soft-spoken and tiny and almost inaudible, she felt like she'd been punched in the gut, completely breathless. If his apprehensive voice wasn't enough, the doubt and clear confusion in his eyes told Beckett clearly, that he honestly didn't understand why they still cared for him, and that right there made her eyes sting. How far they had fallen, that Beckett had led Ryan to believe that she truly didn't care about him anymore. Her eyes watered, she was losing her composure. "Oh, Ryan." She barely whispered tearfully. "I'm so, so sorry. This should never have happened."

Ryan frowned in confusion, looking between each person in the room. "I. . .don't understand."

Beckett took a deep breath. "Ever since we came back to work, things have been different between us. I didn't notice it at first, but now I realize that we haven't been functioning as well as we should be as a team. Ever since that rooftop. . .there's been a wall between us, and it's my fault."

"No, it's not." Ryan said softly, with a bitter twist. He'd settled to rest his own forearms on his knees, his dark eyes cast downward to glare at the floor. "I was the one who went to Gates-"

"You saved our lives." Beckett enunciated.

"I betrayed you guys." Ryan suddenly turned towards Beckett, his sharp action and tone briefly startling her. "I went behind your backs and did what you told me not to do. I disobeyed your orders and I betrayed your trust. I don't blame you in the least for hating me-"

"We don't hate you." Beckett quickly assured, moving as close to Ryan as she could without basically kneeling in front of his chair. "We could never hate you!" She caught a small scoff from behind her and turned angry and disapproving eyes onto her other friend. "Javi." She reprimanded with a glare.

Esposito side-glanced at her, then glanced over at Ryan, seeing the clear hurt and devastation he tried in vain to conceal behind his guilty gaze before he dropped his eyes back down, hoping to avoid eye contact with Esposito. Part of Esposito flared up with pride at the clear misery in his traitor of a partner. But another part ached to soothe all that hurt in his best friend. Finding the latter growing annoyingly fast in the two seconds he'd been staring at his slumped partner, Esposito sigh in defeat. "We don't hate you." He mumbled.

Ryan looked up apprehensively at Esposito, as if just making eye contact would unleash his wrath upon him. "How could you not?" He asked in a small voice, making his inner pride cringe at the weak sound. "I should have just listened to you guys that day. You were right. What I did-"

"_Saved_ our lives." Beckett emphasized her gratitude by finally reaching over and clasping her hand around his for comfort. "Ryan, I could have _died_. If it wasn't for you, I would have. You saved me, Kevin, I owe you my life. Thank you."

Ryan shook his head lightly, staring at the hand Beckett had on his own, as if still not believing the contact to be real. "You don't owe me anything. I would do it again in a heartbeat, without hesitation. Still, I shouldn't have sold you guys out the way I did." He finally looked up at Beckett with shimmering eyes. "I'm sorry, for everything."

"You were right then, Ryan." Beckett said softly. "I was so caught up in the case, in my own emotions, I didn't see that. I should have listened to you, and went in with the proper back-up. You have nothing to be sorry for. _I'm_ the one whose sorry."

"So. . ." Ryan started hesitantly. "Do you forgive me?"

Beckett smiled lightly. "Of course." Using the hand she had on his, she briefly patted him in comfort. Already she could see his eyes lighten significantly at the words, as his shoulders slumped the slightest; like that weight that he'd been bearing this whole time had actually lessened some, allowing him to breathe a bit better. But it wasn't completely gone quite yet, and Beckett turned around to her quiet friend behind her, giving her best 'kiss and make up' glare she could muster.

Esposito caught the glare briefly and rolled his eyes with a sigh. He didn't know if he was ready to forgive Ryan yet. He was telling the truth when he said he didn't hate him, but that didn't mean he wasn't still mad at him.

"Esposito,". Ryan started tentatively, barely above a whisper. "I don't expect you to forgive me. I betrayed your trust and our friendship and you have every right to hate me." He side-glanced at Beckett with a small worry. "If you want. . .I'll ask to be transferred. You can get a new partner, and you never have to see me again."

Esposito had to resist the urge to roll his eyes yet again. Damn this man, taking the high road, not begging like a little baby for him to forgive him, and instead backing down like a man and offering to leave so that Esposito could do his job without anger flaring up in him every time he saw his partner. That was just like Ryan, to do the right thing all the damn time. He caught the rigid posture of the two other occupants in the room, already preparing to argue with Ryan about his decision, however miraculously holding their tongues and instead staring at Esposito with bated breath. Finally, Esposito sighed heavily. "You don't have to do that." The very second after the words left his mouth, Castle and Beckett not-so-subtly sighed simultaneously in relief.

Ryan was taken aback briefly, staring at Esposito. Beckett had sat back against the couch to give them a better conversation window while still being wary enough for any signs of a fight, so Ryan could now plainly see Esposito in his line of sight. Esposito still sat hunched with his elbows on his knees and his eyes downcast, but they were no longer glaring at the floor as he spoke to him. "You can't even look me in the eye; how do you expect to continue to work with me?" Ryan's voice was soft and despondent. Esposito remained silent, so Ryan sighed deeply. "Javi,". He said softly. "I'm sorry."

Finally Esposito sighed, slumping his shoulders, then he looked up at Ryan. "Me too."

Ryan frowned. "What?"

Esposito shrugged. "I know I haven't exactly been the nicest guy to be around these passed few weeks."

"You have every right be to angry at me." Ryan pointed out.

"Still." Esposito said. "What you did. . .it _did_ save us. Whether I like to admit it or not. . .you were right, and I was wrong."

"So. . ." Ryan swallowed thickly, looking between the two on the couch. "Do you think, maybe, we could be friends again?"

"Oh, come here." Beckett said, quickly pulling Ryan into a tight hug. Ryan squeezed her back, melting into the contact as everything washed away, leaving him feeling light and finally able to breathe again. He sent a glance at Esposito over Beckett's shoulder and he gave Ryan a small nod. That alone allowed Ryan the smallest, yet most genuine smiles he'd ever had since before any of that mess had happened. Again, a long, deep sigh left him, as his chest loosened the weight that had been stuck there.

Beckett and Ryan pulled away and everyone stood then. Esposito offered his hand to Ryan, which he took and shook gratefully, allowing Esposito to pull him into a shoulder hug. Beckett and Castle couldn't hide the ear-to-ear grins on their faces.

"Yay, everyone is friends again!" Castle cheered lightly.

Ryan couldn't help the carefree chuckle that tickled his throat as he pulled away from Esposito and practically tackled Castle into a hug as well, causing the man to chuckle himself, granted a little winded from the impact.

"Thank you." Ryan whispered into Castle's shoulder.

Castle rubbed Ryan's back soothingly. "Anytime, buddy." They pulled away and Castle laid his hand on Ryan's shoulder, offering him a comforting smile.

Beckett couldn't keep her wide smile away. As she finally registered the world around her, she'd noticed it was around the time to clock out, and the precinct was already dying slowly of its usual bustle. She clapped her hands together. "So, who's up for a few drinks down at the Old Haunt?"

"Only if Castle's buying." Esposito said with a grin towards the pub-owner.

"Don't I always?" Castle answered with a suave smirk of his own, chuckling. He slung his arm around Ryan's shoulders, leading them all out of the small interview room. Beckett wrapped her arm around Esposito's waist, leaning into him as he pulled her closer, resting his arm around her shoulders.

Then they all walked towards the elevator with lighter footsteps, and gleaming faces, happy and content, and whole once more.


End file.
